Bizarrely, the Easter holidays ( but not as we know it) the actual time to stop, has been the moment of realisation for me, at just how this new set of demands, brought on by the Coronavirus pandemic, has impacted not just me, but my family.
I haven’t been able to go on a rota, leading a Centre at this time has made the responsibility of leadership very plain in a quite startling way.
Having started the NPQH process last term, I am now wondering if I’m cut out for the lonely place that leadership can be.
Just keep swimming, Dorey fashion, isn’t possible. Inertia is impossible. Sometimes just being is enough. A good friend told me today “ you can’t always swim against the tide, sometimes you need to stop, drift back and wait for your strength to return to go for it.”
Wherever you are, I hope you’re conserving your strength for the weeks ahead.
Lying awake and listening to bird song, feeling grateful for a fantastic couple of weeks with family and friends.
Grateful to be starting the new year in a job I love; no anxiety hitting me in the stomach at the thought of the new term starting.
It wasn’t always that way- I have worked in a toxic environment before, it can wear down your ability to feel able to teach. When teaching is part of your identity and that is stripped away by overzealous QA and bullying management, then you can head for a crisis of confidence.
So if you are feeling anxious today, try and pinpoint what exactly you are feeling and why. Have you got support at work? Have you got someone to talk to, who champions you? Do you feel appreciated? If the answers to these questions is no, it might be time to find a place where you will be valued, respected and cherished.
So here I am at the start of a new road. I’m not one for resolutions so if you’re like me; join me when you’d like to.
I am trying to stay positive this year. I choose to say ‘yes,let’s’ (a hangover from my ex Drama student days). It is all too easy to get sucked into the doom-laden narratives of our world.
I choose to try and find a way to laugh at the ridiculous, walk in the fresh air, enjoy spending time with loved ones and feel grateful for the gifts I have.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some ‘Pollyanna’, there’s been plenty of times when I’ve thought ‘Fuck this shit, I’m off to Narnia’ but it’s when I roll my sleeves up and get involved that I’ve had the best times.
So whatever your plans for 2019, try the ‘yes, let’s’ improv approach and let me know how you get on!